tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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