I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize