You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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