She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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