There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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