My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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