Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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