Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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