So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize