just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize