In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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