i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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