All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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