Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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