just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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