Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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