Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I touched a dick in church today
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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