You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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