My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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