why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize