Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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