what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize