I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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