A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We talked him into tasing himself.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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