you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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