if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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