What did we do last night that was yellow?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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