I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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