You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize