my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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