I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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