Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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