a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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