I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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