When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize