Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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