Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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