Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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