i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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