I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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