no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize