I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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