omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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