Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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