Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
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question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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