My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize