last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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