so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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