he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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