so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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